Advanced planning means preparing ahead for what will happen after end of life. For many retired seniors, especially those living in retirement homes, this is a natural and recurring concern.
Thinking about our own passing can stir emotions such as sadness, bewilderment, or quiet fear. Questions arise: What will happen when I leave this world? Will I be remembered? Should I be thinking about this sooner rather than later, especially as my memory changes? These are deeply human reflections.
The practical arrangements themselves are fairly straightforward. The difficult part is imagining a world that continues without us—our adult children, our grandchildren, our friends—all moving forward while we are no longer physically present.
Advanced planning includes considering, through the lens of your religious and spiritual values, how you would like to exit this world. Would you prefer burial or cremation? A simple funeral or a more elaborate service? Who would you like to invite? Who should read at the service? Which funeral home feels right? Would you like to handle this alone, or involve a trusted adult child, family member, or friend?
As a chaplain, I keep a list of funeral homes readily available in my office. Our home maintains relationships with both Anglican and Roman Catholic parishes, allowing me to make referrals for denominational needs. I am grateful for a close professional relationship with a young Roman Catholic priest who generously supports our Catholic residents.
Families may also engage me to perform a private memorial service in our chapel. I receive no additional payment beyond my salary; however, a donation to the foundation is required. I have led several such services—each one beautiful, meaningful, and tailored to the family’s wishes. I find it creative and pastoral to design an order of service with the loved one’s photograph, prayers, biblical citations, poetry, and family‑chosen images.
A newer bereavement theory, Continuing Bonds, recognizes that relationships do not end with death. Love, it seems, is truly interdimensional; it carries forward even after the body—a biochemical bundle—necessarily dissolves.
Psychiatrist Brian L. Weiss explores this in Only Love Is Real: A Story of Soul Mates Reunited, where he recounts near‑death experiences in which individuals encountered loved ones who had crossed to the other side. It has been years since I first read the book, yet I still remember its impact. I remain curious about near‑death experiences, especially those shared by people who return and speak about what they encountered.[1]
In my chaplaincy work, there are rare moments when I sense the presence of a retired tenant who has passed away. I do not find this strange. I believe it is normal. In those moments, I simply encourage the spirit to release what needs releasing. Although we often try to create a firm boundary between life and death, my professional experience suggests there is far more fluidity than we would like to admit.
A retired senior once came to my office—teary, in good health, but struggling with memory changes—to talk about advance planning. I commended her for her courage in speaking openly. I said, “We can’t bury this under the rug,” and she replied, “I might trip on it.” Her words have stayed with me.
Luba Rascheff is a part‑time chaplain and a certified Spiritual Life Coach through Transformation Academy. Her signature coaching program is Take It to the Next Level. Discover more here.
Image created with Adobe Firefly. Not based on real people.
[1] Touching the Afterlife, YouTube, accessed August 17, 2026, https://www.youtube.com/@TouchingTheAfterlife/videos. (Caveat: not all experiences described on this channel are positive.)
LUBA RASCHEFF 