A new independent tenant in retirement living recently asked me, “Can you be my friend?” The question touched me more deeply than they may ever know.

In many ways, a chaplain is everyone’s “friend.” We are friendly without being overly revealing, present at defining moments such as admission to the home, visible—my office sits in a high‑pedestrian area near the front desk—and consistently compassionate and professional. We are the kind of steady, kind presence people hope to find. And yet, we are also busy.

My days move between long‑term care and independent living. I spend a surprising amount of time at the computer—though most people don’t see that part—preparing mini‑services that include a call to worship, scripture, prayers, music, a reflection, and a benediction. Over the years, I’ve built a ready library of hymns and songs with lyrics. Time is precious, and lately it feels as though it slips through my fingers like water.

The busiest moments come before memorial services. I co‑lead one every four months, and each service requires thoughtful preparation: sending invitations to families, coordinating with Human Resources to support staff who have experienced loss, purchasing beautiful white roses, and ensuring the altar is dressed with a clean cloth. It is a full, tender kind of work—the kind that leaves me feeling fulfilled.

So yes, I am your “friend,” but not in the traditional sense.

Moving into a retirement home can feel intimidating. Part of my role is to welcome new tenants and residents warmly, while gently encouraging them to settle in, explore, and build friendships within the community. It’s a delicate balance, but fostering independence is essential.

Over time, I’ve watched most tenants find their rhythm—discovering activities they enjoy and forming meaningful connections. There is so much to choose from: crafting, walking groups, outings, movie nights, parties, musical performances, and even a poetry group.

If you’re considering a move into retirement living, I hope this reflection helps you understand what the transition may feel like. As a chaplain, I can walk alongside you, support you, and encourage you—but the journey of reaching out, participating, and integrating into your new community is ultimately yours. We must first become our own best friends before becoming another’s.

Luba Rascheff is a part‑time chaplain and a certified Spiritual Life Coach through Transformation Academy. Her signature coaching program is Take It to the Next Level. Discover more here.

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